Hope is Found Here
The Big Book “promises” that we can stay sober and live a better life, if… What? “If we are painstaking…” About what? Getting honest about the messes we’ve made and the people we’ve hurt. Identifying, with the help of a sponsor, the fundamental flaws in our personalities that make us “insane” and “incapable of forming a true partnership with another human being.” Making serious efforts to repair the damage we’ve done. Learning to forgive the people who’ve hurt us. Building a spiritual foundation that will empower us to be useful and of service.
Looking at myself in the mirror of inventory, I saw a person who was angry most of the time, used other people to feel better about himself, and led a double life to hide the behavior he was ashamed of. There may be some truth in the old AA saying: “We’re not bad people trying to get good, but sick people trying to get well.” My 4th Step, however, showed me that I really had been a bad person many, many times. I hurt the people closest to me repeatedly, not because I was just “sick,” but because I was “selfish, dishonest, and resentful.” I lacked empathy and true concern for anyone else. I blamed others for all my misery. Those are moral categories, not medical ones. I needed a “searching and fearless moral inventory.”
All the Steps before the 9th Step amends give me some “big chunks of truth about myself.” I need to forgive those who hurt me. I need to demonstrate to anyone I’m trying to make amends to that I truly understand how I hurt them and that I am willing to repair the damage. All of this depends on my dependence upon a Higher Power of my understanding. I can’t fix myself by myself. I need the AA Fellowship, a sponsor I trust, and a “deep and effective spiritual experience.”
Then the Promises start to come true.
-Kevin P.
Northside Tuesday Night
It Works if You Work It
When I was asked to write an article my first thought was “I don't even know what to say”. Then, that voice kicked in and said just try it because we say yes to AA. For a drunk like me that second thought is a miracle. And by the grace of God, I can hear that today. I am not sure the exact day I had a spiritual experience but looking back it happened little by little, almost chipping away at old ideas and character defects. I was so overwhelmed when I was new and I saw you guys truly living, laughing, raising your kids and having relationships with your families. It gave me hope. I didn't even know if I would be able to get out of bed that day in the beginning. I didn't hear the rest of the readings, but I do remember those promises being read and thinking that is all I have ever wanted. You guys have taught me to walk through fear and that I don't have to do it alone or be perfect.
I don't think things really changed for me until I took some action and started working the steps. I began to see a new freedom and happiness by following the hand of AA and I found God of my own understanding but borrowed my sponsor's God for a while. The smartest thing I can do today is pray, get in the car, do the next right thing and help the new girls. Today I know if I mess up, I can take responsibility and make things right. I know if I keep showing up to AA everything else will be ok. I owe my life to Alcoholics Anonymous and I am forever grateful.
-Crystal P.
Amazed Before Halfway Through
In early sobriety this statement and the rest of the Promises seemed so unreal. How could any of them come true after all of the pain, damage and destruction I had caused? I was only in A.A. because I couldn’t pull the trigger. The only promise I wanted was to just not drink.
Without much faith, I took some suggested actions, attended meetings daily, and prayed to a God that I felt I had lost completely. But by being painstaking and honest in taking these actions, changes started to occur—often without me realizing them. Problems were a little easier to face, daily life became a hopeful time instead of a dreaded one, and my emotions and feelings started to slowly calm down. I started to act instead of react to situations and a flicker of hope began to grow. About this time, I decided to take even more actions to see if I would benefit more; and I was amazed before I was half way through. So many promises and other great things began to occur and it made me realize that I was completely in God’s Hands!!!
Now, with several years of sobriety, I am still doing many of the same actions and suggestions that I started in the beginning of my journey. The absolute miracle is that I continue to receive Promises and Blessings as a result. If new, please stick around until the miracle happens for you!!!
-Mark D.
Asbury Big Book
Keep Trudging
Early on, I remember hearing the 9th step promises read before every meeting…” If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through…..” I had absolutely no idea what was going on or what they were talking about, in fact, I didn’t even realize that the promises were in the Big Book! I had no idea where they came from, but I liked the sound of them! This idea of some type of reward or happily ever after for being good and not drinking worked for me and I just couldn’t wait to get these wonderful things in my life. Somehow, I missed several key components, like the word “painstaking.” Painstaking means thorough or hardworking and I also missed the part that included "this phase of our development.” Well, I hadn’t really developed anything other than not drinking! Not drinking is good…. but not drinking is not enough to stay sober. For me to stay sober, I must have a type of spiritual awaking, including a change in my personality that will enable me to face life successfully without alcohol. If all I’m doing is not drinking, eventually my mind will create a world that I must drink to survive in. It was pointed out to me early on that the steps are numbered for a reason and that the promises are in the book right after the 9th step! I really wanted those promises in my life, but I couldn’t see how paying others back the money that I owed them would help me overcome my own fear of financial insecurity. That made no sense.
My first sponsor always told me that I couldn't go forward until I cleaned up my past. She always talked in stories and analogies that made sense to me. I remember her saying that all the stuff that I was carrying around with me from my past was holding me back and keeping me from being happy and successful in the present. She called it my “tail” and told me that the only way to stop dragging my heavy tail around was to cut it off. The only way for me to cut off my tail was to make amends. She assured me that after I cleaned up my past I would feel so much better. I would be able to live in today and feel so much lighter! Years of dragging all the guilt, shame and remorse with me everywhere I went was exhausting. I don’t know that I believed her at the time, but I was desperate enough to not drink. I became willing to give it a chance. Fortunately, that’s all it takes! Willingness!
I could go on and on but one story jumps out: I had stolen from a certain employer while drinking. It had gone on for years. I had my 8th step list and the amount that I owed plus interest. The problem was, I was broke! I didn’t have any money and I had no idea how I could ever pay this back. I knew if I didn’t pay it back, I wouldn’t be able to stay sober, but I really didn’t have the money. I made the other amends. I started to feel better, until one day I didn’t. This particular financial amend started to really bother me. I woke up with it, carried it around all day and went to bed with it. I was really weighing me down, but I still didn’t have any means to pay it back. I talked to my sponsor about it repeatedly. She kept telling me to pray about it and to be sure to pray for willingness. Thank goodness the steps only require action, I certainly didn’t have any faith that this would work.
After several weeks of praying for willingness, one day when I got the mail there was a check from an old insurance policy for the exact amount that I owed! It’s crazy how my mind has always tried to kill me. I was still broke and my first thought was that this money could help with my financial insecurity. My first thought is always about me! Maybe this was the promise coming true? If I kept the money, it would allow me to breathe a little easier. I stood at the turning point. Do I keep the money and make my life easier, or do I make the financial amends? The promise is about the fear of financial insecurity. It has nothing to do with money. It’s all about putting my faith in a power greater than myself, trusting and relying on that power one day at a time. This is where all those prayers for willingness paid off. Thank God I made the amends. Turns out my old sponsor was right! This phase of my development had begun. Turns out it must continue, one day at a time, for my lifetime.
Keep trudging.
-Peggy G.