April 2022

I had stepped away from God and prayer many years before I got sober, and at the end of my drinking I believed that God was there for everyone but me. It wasn’t until I began building sobriety one day at a time and working the steps (especially the third one) that I realized that even though I had turned my back on God, prayer and anything related to either, God had never given up on me. When I truly understood that God is the reason I willingly brought my sorry self to AA and that He had forgiven me for the mess I had made out of my life, I knew I needed to refill my spiritual cup. I had no idea how to start on that spiritual part of my new journey.

I was told early on that prayer and meditation are absolutely necessary in long term sobriety. I know now that they keep my thoughts and energies in the here and now and allow me to understand what I can and can’t control in the present.

I had to start easy, and that worked for me. I had no idea how to pray. The only prayers I knew were the ones I had to memorize as a child. I could recite them as well as anyone, but they were not coming from my heart. So I took a different approach, and thus began my conversations with God.

I tell Him anything and everything that is on my heart, even though He already knows. I ask daily for His guidance, because I already proved that I do better with a travel companion. This helps me to stay connected to my higher power throughout each and every day, no matter what kind of day I’m having. I thank Him multiple times a day for being with me, and sometimes for the silliest things such as finding a close parking spot when my knees are hurting. Every sober day for me is a new opportunity for growth and to be of maximum service to God and others. I try to the best of my ability to remain teachable (as suggested by my first sponsor), and am perpetually seeking to improve. I keep coming back to God and AA for more.

-Gail C., Hebron Tuesday Night group

Will I ever get more of a “spiritual awakening” if I am not first “deflated at depth?” “Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress.” (12 & 12, p. 93) I do well for a while, then I mess up. I hurt the people I love, I fall back into old lazy and undisciplined habits, and I pick at the scabs of resentments and imagined injuries. One day I’m feeling like an enlightened saint; the next day I look in the mirror and see a criminal and a madman. Why can’t I control my emotions and consist- ently do the good I want to do?

The 12th Step promises that I will “tap into an unsuspected inner resource” (BB, p. 567) and that, if I lean on a Higher Power, I will “now become able to do, feel, and believe that which I could not do before on my unaided strength and resources alone.” (12 & 12, p. 106)

Recently someone close to me made a suicide attempt. It was gut-wrenching to get that call. Though they got to the hospital in time and had great doctors, I could not let go of my fear. I so badly wanted to fix everything – but I couldn’t. Waking up at 2 AM night after night worrying about my loved one in such a dark space, a small “spiritual awakening” was simply to put all the pain in the care of Someone or Something bigger than me. Saying those prayers also kept me from interfering in the situation, trying to control things, or giving unwant- ed advice. Painful, but it taught me more about “matching adversity with serenity.”

Similarly, I have had a number of strained relationships over the past months. The 12th Step reminds me that I need to do the other steps – especially inventory and amends – as a tangible way to “tap into that inner re- source.” I have to clean my side of the street and put effort into repairing the damage. Only then can my High- er Power bring about healing and forgiveness and reconciliation.

“God does for us what we can’t do for ourselves” – but God won’t do for me what I can actually do for myself. I continually have to pick myself up again after falling and get “into action.”

-Kevin P., Northside Wednesday Night Group

This phrase is often spoken at the beginning of meetings as part of How it Works. In my case from a spiritual sense, it was definitely “sometimes slowly.” I didn’t want to come to your stinking meetings. I didn’t see the point and I was pretty sure I wasn’t an alcoholic. The phrase that got me was “Keep Coming Back.” I went to meetings just to keep people off my backside, not to hear a solution. It’s difficult to be willing to hear anything when you believe you already know everything and you’re angry at the world.

My spiritual experience came in phases. The Big Book talks about the term “WHO” which stands for Willingness, Honesty and Open-mindedness. After coming to meetings for a while, I became somewhat will- ing to hear some things at meetings. The best was prayer. Asking God in the morning to help keep me sober one day at a time and reviewing my day in the evening was my beginning. That along with working the first three steps started my relationship with my Higher Power. I heard early on that the catch phrase for these three steps is “I can’t, He can, I think I’ll let Him.”

During that time, I went to the 10 am Sunday Morning Breakfast meetings in Newport with two other alcoholics. We would go to this smoke-filled attic lead meeting and on the way back to Kenton County discuss what we heard. One Sunday the speaker gave my lead. He said exactly what I needed to hear and allowed me for the first time to honestly admit (100%) that I was an alcoholic. That opened the door to admit that maybe, just maybe, there were other things in my life that I was not honest about.

From there, I could now work the rest of the 12 Steps and try to practice these principals in all my affairs. Step 9 was enormously difficult for me since I had never in my life admitted that I was responsible for being wrong. My errors in judgment (screw-ups) were always someone else’s problem. The open-mindedness part allowed me to admit that I tried to not be responsible for anything. It was great to live your life as a 12-year- old and opt out of all responsibilities. Hopefully I’m better at this, but to this day I still have to work at admit- ting my part and be responsible for my actions.

Spiritual growth is an on-going responsibility that I take seriously through prayer and meditation. Dr. Seuss says “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” So with God and Dr. Seuss’ help, I try to keep myself willing, honest and open-minded.

-Mick S., Hardrock

When working, I had so many sick days a year at my work. When I hit my bottom, I believe I ran out of sick days as alcohol quit working. In forward to the first addition it says, “Many do not comprehend that the alco- holic is a very sick person.”

In chemistry class, you have a mixture and a solution. In a mixture when two liquids are stirred, they stay that way. In a solution the two will mix, but when left alone the two liquids will separate. I was a mixture when I came to AA. I had the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I would do absurd, incredible things while drink- ing. A real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, as the book says. Insanity.

If you want to get over it, you may already be asking, “What do I have to do?” The huge emotional displace- ments and rearrangements of ideas, emotions and attitudes which were the guiding forces of our lives sud- denly cast to one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. You told me it happens through a vital spiritual experience. Not in the religious sense or bolt of light but of the educational variety as when I heard the word God and the basket passed around. My first thought was here we go again.

They told me that we have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be ac- quired. I needed to be willing and honest.

I needed to find a solution. If I don't drink I begin to separate myself from alcohol. I need to become a mem- ber of AA. The solution is the steps.

The book tells us that we are people that would not ordinarily mix. I would think it was true when we were drinking. In AA the exact opposite happens in that personal recovery depends upon AA unity. The solution (steps) to my problems keeps me from becoming a mixture again. You can be a mixture. Quit using the stir- ring stick (self will). Become a solution. Let you and alcohol separate. I say become a solution. Let God stir things in your life.

-Mark L., the Florida Flounder