My only solution: God.
by Caroline S.
My name is Caroline, and I'm an alcoholic.
Steps Six and Seven are about how God will remove our defects of character if we humbly ask Him to. Recently, I found myself becoming more and more upset as I responded to the needs of my roommate, an elderly shut-in with heart and kidney disease. I began to feel as though my life was no longer my own, and a growing resentment started to take hold.
I talked about this at meetings, with my sponsor, and with my best friend. The message I kept hearing was that I needed to turn to God for help. I thought I had been doing that. I told myself and others, "I'm not going to react to her requests. I'm not going to let this get to me." I believed I was covered by the Third and Seventh Step prayers that I said each day.
Today, I realize I was missing something: humbly asking God to remove my shortcomings.
Eventually, I was in so much emotional pain that I followed my best friend's suggestion. I wrote a letter to God and asked, "God, what do You want me to see in this situation?"
I sat quietly and waited. Soon, words began to come, and I wrote them down. Through that prayer and reflection, I began to see what a blessing this woman—and living with her—had been in my life. I recognized the gift of friendship, companionship, and so many other blessings that I had overlooked.
Something changed in me that day.
Instead of feeling burdened or resentful, I felt grateful. I felt privileged to be part of her life and grateful for all that I had been given.
Since then, I have not felt put upon, out of joint, or consumed by negative emotions regarding my situation. I did set a few healthy boundaries, such as asking that she not text me constantly, so that my time away from home could feel more like my own. I continue to help in many of the same ways as before, except for picking up groceries, which she can now have delivered.
I am deeply grateful for this experience because it taught me something important: on my own, I cannot change myself. But when I become sick and tired of being sick and tired of anything, I can turn to the only true solution to my problems and character defects—God.
Through the pain of realizing I could not fix the situation myself, I was finally able to surrender a part of my ego and allow God to do for me what I could not do for myself.
Thank you for letting me share.
— Caroline S.
Something Bigger Than Me
By Kevin P.
Northside Tuesday Night Group
In every meeting, at the end of How It Works, most of us chime in and say, “But God could and would if He were sought.”
I say it automatically and often don't even think about it.
What difference would it make if I truly believed that a Higher Power can and will help me—not just with drinking, but with all the troubles that come my way, my relationships, my mistakes, and my efforts to "clean house and help others"?
The Big Book says, "Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
While I grew up in a religious family and never stopped believing in God, even during my drinking, it was Alcoholics Anonymous that helped me begin making faith an active part of my life. I wasn't doing any honest self-examination while I was drinking. I got defensive whenever others pointed out "my part" in a mess. My self-centeredness pushed true empathy out of the way. I kept everything bottled up inside and had no understanding of sharing "the language of the heart."
One of the biggest discoveries I made in AA was that I still had a conscience—and that I needed to listen to it. Despite all the church services I had attended, I continued to hurt others and neglect my obligations to loved ones. Any feelings of guilt or remorse were pushed far down, out of sight.
Working the Steps helped me realize that I needed a moral code to live by. I needed a clear sense of right and wrong. When I caused harm, I needed to repair the damage.
But I couldn't do any of this alone. I couldn't fix myself. I needed a "way of living that works in rough going."
In times of grief, loss, and pain, I have come to believe in my bones that a Higher Power cares about me and will help me match "serenity to calamity."
Yes, God could and would—if He were sought.
— Kevin P.