February 2024

“I don’t know everything… Maybe someone else can teach me something,”

Simple statements, but I can so easily begin believing I’m smarter than anyone else and have all the answers.

“Contempt prior to investigation cannot fail to keep me in everlasting ignorance." (BB, p. 568) The Big Book is here talking about our negative attitudes towards religion or spirituality. I can have that same stubborn closed mind about any part of the AA way of life.

“Why should I keep going to meetings – I went through detox and treatment, and I can stay sober on my own now.” “No way I’m going to share with a sponsor all the personal details of my life!” “You’re telling me that all these people who hurt me are not the only ones to blame – that I need to look at how I hurt them?” “I don’t believe in dwelling on my character defects – my therapist says it’s healthier to tell myself positive self-affirmations.”

Maybe self-reliance needs to fail, and I need to be desperate before I can admit: “Someone else might have a better idea…Let me try their way.” I need to be “deflated at depth.”

I grew up in a strongly religious family and never completely lost belief in a Higher Power. Yet, as Bill W said, “We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives.” (12 & 12, p.34)

When I was drinking, I had no moral or ethical code. I knew a lot about religion, but that “head knowledge” did not keep me from selfish behavior that hurt others terribly.

“Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.” (BB, p. 87) My problem was not that I needed more information. I needed other people to show me how to think of others, use a genuine faith to cope with adversity, and allow spiritual principles to whittle away the personality shortcomings that were wrecking all my relationships. In my own sober journey, the 12 Steps of AA helped me to apply what I had learned about faith as a child to my life now. There are many religious and philosophical roads to leading a sane and useful life. Am I willing to break out of my “fixed mindset” and my proud self-reliance to learn a better way?

-Kevin P.
Tuesday Night Northside Group

Do you ever catch yourself contemplating your answer to a question while the other person is still talking? Or, do you sometimes feel the person that’s speaking doesn’t really know their subject matter? Is it difficult to always give the person across from you the benefit of the doubt? Maybe he/she may just have a different view point from yours and isn’t wrong, just different.

One of my least favorite sayings is “There are multiple ways to skin a cat!” I don’t like the quote. But the fact remains that there are many ways to complete a task. My favorite example (and one that is dear to my heart) is the story of the coffee cups.

Everyday my wife and I drink a cup of coffee. Since we have a Kueirig coffee maker, there is really no daily cleanup required. But we both have our own coffee cup that needs cleaning prior to tomorrow’s next round of coffee. Since I was taught at an early age, by my manufacturing father, that part of the coffee drinking process is immediately cleaning up the dirty cup and placing it where it needs to be for tomorrow. Now, my wife was not raised by my father, so this is not part of her daily process. She will take her mostly empty coffee cup and place it by the sink and go on with her day. For most of our marriage I believed this was a illogical idea and since she left her dirty coffee cup by the sink, it was a personal attack on my intelligence.

Oh, did I mention that she didn’t ask me to clean her cup and she will come back later in the day and clean out her cup and get it ready for tomorrow? Yes, she does and I have no skin in this game but I still take it personal because I felt that my way was the more intelligent way.

Before I understood the AA program, I was like this in most of my decisions. I didn’t need to hear your viewpoints on anything since I already knew the answer and your ramblings just showed your dim view of the facts. You obviously didn’t realize my superior intellect.

Today I understand that I’m not that smart. I need help in most situations and it’s not “my way or the highway.” Just because I think I’m right does not make it so. The Steps, especially Step 5, help me to understand that I have a part in most things that go wrong and my part usually means I’ve screwed up somehow. Thanks AA.

-Mick S

Throughout my life nobody caused my heart to break more than me. All my life I allowed people places and things have devastating effect on me and my ability to reciprocate love; rendering me unable to maintain loving relationships with anyone, myself and God included

My perception distorted and warped from a head full of alcoholic wiring, left my heart broken, battered and shattered more soften than death, abandonment, rejection and abuse ever could. Once a spiritual solution was appropriately applied, my perception changed and all those broken pieces of my shattered heart began to heal. Making my heart stronger and capable of reciprocating God size love for myself and others.

Ten thousand pounds of air filled balloons looks much different than a single water filled balloon. Despite the size difference both have equal ability to be beautiful blessings or destructive harm to those around them.

Today my heart still has all those scars and blemishes from being broken so many times. Today my heart is stronger and filled with unconditional love for myself, God and those around me. Today my big beautiful heart is measured by its weight and its strength comes from being filled by God

Thank God the heart is not measured by its size and its strength doesn’t come from its perfection and symmetry.

-Andrew M.

Do not lean into thine own understanding never made any since to me. “Do not” means “do” when a person is wired like me.

Darkness and ignorance are synonymous. I have walked in darkness most of my life. Thank God for His mercy.

We Agnostics has a line that hit me hard. To paraphrase excerpt from page 52, “….childlike faith”. Without that, nothing could have happened.

I could no longer tell help how to help. I no longer knew what I needed and finally AA had to work, or actually I had to work to get anything from what the program outlines in the 12 steps.

Today because some or just enough scales of pride and prejudice have been removed. A twinkling of God’s grace has been given to a drunk like me.

Contempt prior to investigation also means I have fear of work, or the line in the 12 x 12 about ‘instincts on rampage balk at investigation”, and ‘we were genuinely alarmed at the prospect of work.” By nature, I am a pessimistic victim of circumstance, self pitying, self centered, unique, hold a monopoly on pain, pretentious creature.

I’m grateful to have experienced God’s mercy long enough through other recovered alcoholics to believe, hope and develop faith that AA will work for me.

-Eric W.