December 2022

  • How many times while still drinking, disgusted with myself, did I go through the house and pour out all the booze I had stashed away?
    How many times did I swear I was done for good? But inevitably I’d soon start to come unglued and scramble off to the store to replace
    what I’d just poured down the drain. I stopped many times – but I couldn’t “stay stopped.” "Personally, I take the attitude that I
    intend never to drink again. This is somewhat different from saying, `I will never drink again.' The latter attitude sometimes gets
    people in trouble… It is too much an act of will and leaves us too little room for the idea that God will release us from the drink
    obsession provided we follow the A.A. program." (As Bill Sees It, 16)

    All I have are these 24 hours. I can’t “get perfect by Thursday,” as Bill W. used to say. The old-timers told me I could “play a trick
    on my mind.” If it was 2 o’clock, I could say, “Help me, God, not to drink until 3…. If I still feel this awful, I’ll take a drink then.”
    Who knows why this works? But it does – an hour at a time, sometimes 5 minutes at a time. This works with emotional pain, too. I can hit
    a terrible spell of being “psychologically bombarded,” as my sponsor calls it. A layoff at work, my child critically ill, the death of a
    loved one, a bad diagnosis from my doctor – tragedies and adversity will come. I get in trouble if I try to be an AA saint and pretend
    “I’m fine.”

    "In short, the `all or nothing' attitude is a most destructive one. It is best to begin with whatever the irreducible minimums of activity
    are. Then work for an enlargement of these -- day by day. Don't be disconcerted by setbacks -- just start over." (As Bill Sees It, 308)
    I can always start the day over, no matter how badly I’ve screwed things up or how miserable I feel. I have a Higher Power now, a “way out”
    of alcoholism, and my AA companions on the road. I don’t have to do it alone any more.

    “Anyone can carry their burden, however heavy, until nightfall. Anyone can do their work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live
    sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, until the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means.” (Robert Louis Stevenson)

    -Kevin P.
    Northside Tuesday Night Group

    This attitude (like many for me) did not change when I got sober. Along with AA, it took years of love and friendship from family and friends for me to slowly understand that trusting another person and maybe taking the chance of getting burned is not only okay, but truly the way to go through each day. If I get burned that’s on them, not me and my action should be to pray for them and not look for revenge. Remember, we are only responsible for keeping our side of the street clean.

    I have to also thank the good folks at a Delhi meeting who each week showed me that I am lovable and they can be trusted. Because of them today I would trust at least a dozen people from that meeting (and others) with my life. That’s huge. They didn’t teach me Love and Tolerance, they showed me Love and Tolerance. Now I can not only trust others, I can put my trust in God on a daily basis and let Him help with my decisions. For me to have love in my heart and tolerance for others, I must first not judge them. See them as God’s children and believe that at this moment, they are doing the best they can.

    Thanks everyone for your continued love and help – I need it!

    Mick S.

  • The famous statement that says “You don’t know what you don’t know, until you know” is on point when you examine the
    thought – Living One Day at a Time”. Of course, you only live one day at a time since that’s all anyone really has but do you
    really? Before sobriety, I spent an enormous amount of time and energy analyzing the mistakes and mis-queues from yesterday
    while also planning (scheming) my butt off trying to ensure that I would do better in the future. Yes, I am guilty of over think-
    ing everything. But if I over think the past and the future, I leave no time for the present. I once had a gentleman ask (before
    sobriety) if I had a bucket list and if yes, what was on it. I told him that the only thing on my list was to learn how to fly an air-
    plane. He replied quickly and emphatically “No, you shouldn’t do that, you are always planning the next step (process) and
    can’t stay in the moment.” When flying, you need to stay in this moment and not any other.

    Well, needless to say I was upset with his answer but now being sober, I realize that he was correct. One of the true gifts from
    sobriety is the opportunity to be present in this moment. With that gift, you can actually listen to someone without thinking
    about your reply. Just listen and try not to solve.

    At a meeting this morning they asked “What makes a successful day?” Sure, not drinking today makes that day a success but
    more than that, a successful day is when I can be present and helpful to those around me. When I can stop thinking about me
    and remember that God’s plan for me today is to be of service to my fellow humans. Even this morning when the topic was
    announced, I started to plan my response and then alter it while others were speaking. That’s fine, as long as I listen to those at
    the meeting since, whether they know it or not, they are the voices that will help keep me sober and useful today.
    PS: I don’t have to worry about keeping sober tomorrow, Just today!

    -Mick S., Hardrock Group

  • Sometimes I feel like sobriety’s Andy Rooney – the ironic, curmudgeon of the blogging set, pointing out the pitfalls and sna-
    fus that no one else will tell the world about quitting drinking. I have been known to sniff at the sophomoric crowing of
    those who extoll the benefits of living clean and sober. As if, like that other killjoy Groucho Marx, I do not want to join any
    club substandard enough to have me as a member.

    Then two weeks ago, something really horrible happened. Someone I loved died unexpectedly and everyone else tiptoed
    around me, as if they thought it might be too much for me to take without going on a bender. It made me realize (like a car-
    toon POW!) that, sad and shocked as I was, I did not even think about drinking. Not once.

    Which got me thinking, that after two years and three months of sobriety, so many aspects of my life have changed for the
    better, it is time to join the ranks of the blissfully temperate and tell you (without even a smidgen of sarcasm) what I love
    about my life now that I have put away the wine for good.

    I am an alcoholic. At the end of my tenure as a drinker I was consuming three bottles of Chardonnay a day (sometimes
    more), and it controlled my life like a demanding stage mother – orchestrating every move and making inappropriate de-
    mands on my time and talent.

    Three months ago I hit the benchmark called “Advanced Recovery” and suddenly things began to fall into place like they did
    not do in the early days of my sobriety. I do not mean to say it takes that long for everyone (I have always been a late bloom-
    er), but for me the two year point marked the end of my resistance and the beginning of my overwhelming gratefulness.

    1. The Mornings: My very favorite thing about being sober is the way I feel when I open my eyes in the morning. I am well
    rested, I remember what I did the night before without a sense of dread, and I feel great. Tony the tiger “GREAT!” and
    ready to start a new day.

    2. My Memory: I had gotten pretty good at faking it, but I couldn’t remember anything in my late stage drinking days – I
    was like a sham fortune teller, watching for body language clues to help me figure out what I was supposed to have done or
    said.

    3. My Looks: Everything about my appearance is better: my hair, nails and skin; the whites of my eyes; and I finally lost the
    “Freshman 15” of sobriety – the weight I gained because I treated myself to anything but booze, including a newfound weak-
    ness for party-packs of Charleston Chews and Debby Snack Cakes…

    4. The Length of the Day: Drinking three bottles of wine takes time. I’d go to bed with a glass of wine on the bedside table
    like a security blanket and in the morning I’d lean over and drink the dregs – starting the vicious cycle of a new, bleak day
    with too little time to do anything else…

    5. The Night: If it happened after seven o’clock at night, I was not there. I missed weddings and funerals and the milestones
    of loved ones because I was too drunk to get up and go. There is such great joy now in an evening walk, or a party or just
    looking up at the stars.

    6. The Freshness of My Emotions: Remember when the Grinch feels his face and it’s wet from crying and he’s like,
    “What is this?” That’s me. I spent so many years anesthetizing my feelings, I am as raw and emotional as a toddler, and it
    feels amazing.

    7. My Energy Level: Drinking makes you sleepy and dumb. I have started working again (after a 20 year vacation) and I am
    shocked every day by how smart I am – how eager to learn new things and contribute, how energetic I feel.

    8. Sleeping and Eating: I have had a lifetime of insomnia, constipation and bulimia – the trifecta of “women’s complaints”
    that have GONE AWAY now that I am sober. I eat. I sleep eight hours. I poop. Yay.

    9. My Relationships: I think alcohol makes a person shallow and self-absorbed. I feel myself reaching out now: being
    friendlier and caring more about others than about myself. I have rekindled some relationships that were negatively impact-
    ed by booze, and I have formed many new friendships with those in the recovery community.

    10. How I Cope With Stress, Sorrow or Disappointment: I used to deal with all my emotional triggers (death, taxes,
    lost love, slights, hurt feelings) by pouring a drink or ten. The way I handled the death of my friend, is the best way to em-
    phasize the change in my behavior toward emotional setbacks. I dealt with it. In the moment and full on.

    11. Community: I hate the term, but I think I was a “dry drunk” for a while. I transferred my alcohol addiction to processed
    sugar and coffee, I isolated and pouted. One of the saving graces of my sobriety has been my foray into community – (I’ll
    admit it) I sometimes force myself to get out, meet with friends, attend meetings and be a part of the world, and magically,
    I feel better.

    12. My Faith: I danced with the devil for many, many years. This is not a metaphor – I actually tangoed with some really bad
    guys who took advantage of my vulnerability and my deep-seated insecurity. Last, but certainly not least, I have found sol-
    ace and joy and strength in prayer.

    Those of you who know me, do not be alarmed. I will not become one of those recovery advocates who bray the word
    “amazing” like a verbal tic, or smile too vacantly at a baby, or post photos with kittens and daisies and aphorisms like “Sober is
    the NICE way to be!!” I promise I will not begin to use double exclamation points. I might even have a day when I want to talk
    about something that annoys me about my newly awakened senses…

    But know this: I am a grateful, happy, joyfully tearful, fortunate, sober person. And I am feeling every one of those emotions in
    this minute as I write. Maybe, just maybe that deserves an exclamation point. Or two…

    -Reprint from Recovery Connection
    Author: Marilyn Spiller

  • When I first got sober several years ago I had many of the same feelings that many of my sober friends have. Did I overre-
    act ? How am I going to enjoy life without alcohol? What will my friends and family think when I refuse a drink? Just how in
    the hell am I going to enjoy vacations , Christmas and New Years? So here I am in January of 2009 and I’m worried about
    partying in December. Typical alcoholic.

    So here I was in my newly sober pity party when one of those stupid (or so I thought at the time) slogans resonated in my
    mind. One day at a time. So I thought, hey dumbass-listen to the slogan. So I did, and it helped most definitely in the short
    term of new sobriety.

    I’m now going to answer the earlier questions starting with whether or not I overreacted. I was a binge drunk and didn’t
    have to drink everyday to wreak havoc on my life or my family’s. But not drinking everyday helped the committee in my
    mind justify my not coming to AA sooner. The last blackout sufficiently scared me to my first meeting. No I didn’t overre-
    act. I reacted to the reality that I am an Alcoholic,

    As far as what my friends and family think was quite easy really. Some members of my family should be in the rooms with
    me and the ones that thought I didn’t belong in AA were only afraid of their own issues and not owning up to them. Not my
    problem. The hard drinking friends are no longer my friends since when I quit drinking they didn’t want anything to do with
    me and me with them. They are so annoying drunk-I can’t believe I behaved like that but my wife tells me I was their lead-
    er.

    The more recent Christmas, vacations and holidays remind me of when I was much younger. Being able to enjoy friends and
    family without hangovers and remorse is truly a miracle for me. I so don’t miss the arguments with my wife that accompa-
    nied my being drunk on these events. Having fun now is sharing a meal and a cup of coffee and having a conversation that I
    can remember. I’m not spending all of my money and risking everything that that we’ve worked so hard for my own selfish
    needs.

    So when you see those glamorous commercials with the beautiful people toasting champagne, drinking expensive liquors
    and drinking the latest fad on beers just play the tape forward. We will never see the commercials on the after effects such as
    hangovers, arguments with family, wrecked cars and lives and jails. But we sure as hell lived it. Haven’t we?

    -Tim L